My earliest memory is a jumble of sensations a rush full of a hunger, a need to be whole, a drive that left space for nothing else and that awakened something the need to arrive at my destination, to answer the call awakened something I still only have speculations of what it is and I got energy, energy to fulfill a directive and when I met what I call my other half, I remember what I call The Completion, new sensations were felt new memories were comprehended a memory of loneliness, of the desire to be whole…made us one.. Me one
Everything else happened in a blur, the feeling of wholeness achieved from the fusion was replaced by a to be full, to feel… Looking back on it the concept of time never was to me, I only had a drive to be complete so I willed(hah) desired it. I don’t know when but my understanding or maybe senses started feeling new things, beautiful things and I grasped at them, subsumed them made them mine, and a flash of joy filled me.
After that event the occasion of Joy I focused around me and felt the life that nurtured me, I shared that feeling of joy with it to tell it I loved, it loved me back. I had no concept of anything beyond rudimentary emotions so I didn’t get bored, I couldn’t get bored since there were beautiful things around me I played with them.
I have always wanted a child, so I loved the life growing in my womb, I loved my husband, my family and our village. My husband might not believe but since that night I’ve not been hungry and I’m always happy each time I tell him that he seems proud with himself, I don’t mind his happiness makes me happy. Ah! He kicked I don’t know how but I know my child’s a he and he’ll be strong, I feel like singing again, the village has been wonderful since my pregnancy.
My mother tells me my pregnancy is easy, after telling me I’m radiant. Hmph! Like she can talk she looks 20 years younger, now that I think about it nobody has been sick or injured for a while and old man Bodhi well I can’t call him old man anymore.
Everybody has been happy to see me and giving me gifts for 2 weeks now after the last community meeting I couldn’t attend since I was feeling a need to sing that evening. Though my husband came back and hugged me, I don’t know why so I just hugged him back. Though I think he’ll not be happy to find out that I’ve not been eating again.
The harvest came early this year and the villagers gave my family a lot, I don’t know why but my mother accepted it, my mother-in-law winked at me, I gave an embarrassed smile. My child is blessed I think the villagers finally know it.
A Knight order came to the village the chief said they came for an inspection because our tax increased, they sounded happy when they left, my mother didn’t let me go outside she said she was worried for the baby.
My mother looked at me worriedly and called the doctor to check on me and the baby he said the baby is fine and I’m healthy, that we should wait, I don’t mind being thins close to my baby it’s something between me and him.
My daughter is giving that smile again it’s beautiful but each time I see it I get worried for her and the baby